It’s no secret that as we get older, our ability and tendency to make friends declines; it’s a law of life. If you look around in your circle, you’ll likely find that the majority of the solid, long-lasting friendships were formed at a younger age.
Personally, I’m blessed to have a couple of close friends I’ve known for more or less two decades. Those friendships were formed for the most part when I was between 14 and 20 years old, aka my high school and first years of university.
After giving it some thought, these are my opinions on why making friends is easier at a younger age but gets harder as we age:
Exposure
As a teenager, you are more exposed; you’re still figuring out your way into life. You don’t have much of a social status or an ego to worry about.
Being exposed and vulnerable creates intimacy, and there is nothing that deepens a friendship more than intimacy.
Being broke
Unless you were born and raised into a wealthy family, chances are you had very limited money as a teenager.
I remember some 17 years ago I went on a week-long camping trip with my buddies; the budget each of us had for the entire trip (accommodation, transportation, food, etc.) is what we usually spend nowadays on dinner. Inflation has a say in this, but you get the idea, we were broke and managing limited resources.
Such experiences create intimacy, solidarity, camaraderie, and persistent memories one never gets to forget. It comes as no surprise that those guys are still my close friends up to today.
Receptiveness
The truth is, the older we get, the less open to the world we are. The more mature we feel, the more we prioritize our peace of mind.
I remember when I started solo traveling some 15 years ago, I would storm into a hostel and talk to everybody. I no longer do it often now; I still go to hostels every once in a while, but I mostly just watch the scene, the conversations taking place, and the people involved. I only get myself engaged in some select conversations when I feel like it.
That hunger to converse with people of every other nation, ethnicity, and religion has faded in me; it’s life!
Hardships
It’s only when you’re about to die that you can precisely point out which stage of your life has been the most difficult; for some, it was youth, while for others, it was adulthood.
However, it is a fact that when we are younger, we don’t have enough experience in life and mental resilience to deal with problems; stress eats us up, and those friends we get to share those struggles with become naturally very close to us.
Privacy
I’m less likely now to share details of my private life than I was 10 or 20 ago; I simply feel I wanna retain more stuff for myself; it’s maturity, man.
Keeping more privacy leads to less intimacy, which results in reduced capacity to make new friends.
Time
As we mature, we inevitably have more responsibilities and less free time. Sometimes you simply cannot afford to expand your social circle, as the time you have is dedicated to other commitments and priorities.
There might be room for a good friendship, but either you or they may just be too busy.
The numbers game
If you already amassed a good group of friends throughout the years that you call “friends for life”, do you really feel keen on adding more?
You might meet an interesting person that has the potential to become a close friend, but as you know, you only get to know someone after so many years of sharing different experiences together… Do you really have that much time to invest in a new friend in your thirties or early forties?
There is an age when we have our eyes set on clear goals, and our time becomes scarce and limited. You might want to befriend someone, but you simply cannot afford it.
I enjoy striking up conversations with teenagers when the opportunity arises. A piece of advice I make sure I always share with them is: “This is your golden time to make solid friendships. Choose wisely; don’t blow it!”.
– Ys Heartruth –
